so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
