yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
