he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
