Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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