Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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