Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
