Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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