If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
