if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
