I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
