Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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