Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
