things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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