the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
