i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
