lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
