I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
