Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
