I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
