i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
false alarm, still single
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