so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
