She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
