lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
