i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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