he seriously made his penis a facebook.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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