Redeem this text for a blowjob
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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