I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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