I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
