so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
