that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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