i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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