a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
