I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
