i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
