remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
