I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Randomize
