Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
