do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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