Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
