theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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