Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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