Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
