the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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