i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
