Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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