Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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