I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
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