He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
