Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I can't put those talents on a resume
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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