JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
