If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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