what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
