Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
