What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
