I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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