I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
