I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
