I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
