she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
